The oppressed life of a gay guy in Cairo
Saturday, February 17, 2007
A homosexual friend has been living a difficult life, especially these days, he says. He told me that one day, as he was thinking about his miserable life, he just started writing about how he felt. And he asked me if I'd post it on my blog, in his name. I agreed.
This is what he'd written:
"I had too much problems with my family especially in the last couple of weeks because I'm gay. I guess being gay is starting to stress me because of the problems i had with my uncle, aunt, dad, stepdad and mother this last month. Now i have mixed thoughts about my homosexuality, i keep telling myself i did not choose this and i deserve to be accepted like anybody else, and most of the time i totally understand this fact and am convinced with it. But then i sometimes start having negative thoughts about it, to the extent that i actually looked a couple of times at a couple of those ex-gay propaganda websites. My stepdad encourages me that i'll pass thru thisand that im going on the "right path", even though to this moment i don't know which path is right. I'm not scared of my family, but they're expecting me to be going on the right path to curing my homosexuality or something, and i don't believe this is happening or will ever happen.
"I'm gay and i don't feel like changing, nor do i feel that this is ever possible, but then this is causing me too much problems with my family, which stresses me altogether. My life is so full of shit these days, i don't know what to do.
"Sometimes i think of leaving the country, but then how would this ever happen, and do i really have or want to live in a country other than mine? Why me? Why do i either live a fucked up life in my country or leave my country? Both options aren't the greatest. I have to choose between two options neither of which i feel i want.
"Sometimes i wish i was never born to live such a life, i never have the courage for suicide and whenever i think of it i know i wouldn't really have the courage to actually do it, but i simply wish i wasn't born, or maybe born anything but human."
This is what he'd written:
"I had too much problems with my family especially in the last couple of weeks because I'm gay. I guess being gay is starting to stress me because of the problems i had with my uncle, aunt, dad, stepdad and mother this last month. Now i have mixed thoughts about my homosexuality, i keep telling myself i did not choose this and i deserve to be accepted like anybody else, and most of the time i totally understand this fact and am convinced with it. But then i sometimes start having negative thoughts about it, to the extent that i actually looked a couple of times at a couple of those ex-gay propaganda websites. My stepdad encourages me that i'll pass thru thisand that im going on the "right path", even though to this moment i don't know which path is right. I'm not scared of my family, but they're expecting me to be going on the right path to curing my homosexuality or something, and i don't believe this is happening or will ever happen.
"I'm gay and i don't feel like changing, nor do i feel that this is ever possible, but then this is causing me too much problems with my family, which stresses me altogether. My life is so full of shit these days, i don't know what to do.
"Sometimes i think of leaving the country, but then how would this ever happen, and do i really have or want to live in a country other than mine? Why me? Why do i either live a fucked up life in my country or leave my country? Both options aren't the greatest. I have to choose between two options neither of which i feel i want.
"Sometimes i wish i was never born to live such a life, i never have the courage for suicide and whenever i think of it i know i wouldn't really have the courage to actually do it, but i simply wish i wasn't born, or maybe born anything but human."
posted by the egypt guy at 2/17/2007 03:14:00 PM
23 Comments:
Hang on there.
Bro!! Your either a Peter PUffer, or someone is hacking your Account!
I don't know who that Peter Puffer guy you're talking about is, really. I am gay and I'm okay personally with this fact but it's causing me problems with my family. I don't believe that making fun of someone else's suffering is very appropriate, tho.
You are not alone in this. You are really brave to come out to your family. Don't let your sexual orientation be a source of such misery. I am sure you will learn to deal with your family. It just takes time. Check these out:
http://www.helem.net
http://www.mithly.com
Sherif, thanks a lot for your words of support... I know the Helem website, but Mithly.com is new to me, thanks for the links too.
HI there,
this is actually the first time that I'm on your blog. But Globalvoices mentioned you and so I felt obliged to comment.
I just wanted to say, keep your head up and hang on there.
I know what you're going through.
I had my coming-out a couple of years ago and my family was still conservative on that aspect of life.
So I had a lot of problems.
Just stay positive, I know its easy to say and hard to do. But just stay positive.
I was lucky to have my coming-out in Holland. So I could go somewhere if I didnt feel safe being with my family.
I know you dont have that in Egypt.
Maybe its best to leave your country for a while. Just step out of the daily egyptian lifestyle for a while and get/learn something fresh.
It will change your view on life and (I hope) make you feel more confident about your own sexuality.
Anyhow, although I dont know you, if you ever need help just shout.
I wish you all the best!
BO18
I'm sorry to tell you this but this country will never accept you. This is a country that won't permit the freedom of religion for baha'ies. Where do you think they stand on homosexuality?
Leave, I'm sorry but this is your only way out.
mamdouh ,, your words really had an effect on me , although i dont know why do you write it in english ,, anyhow ,, about leaving the country for something like that ,, i dont think this is a such good idea ,, think of the days you well spede there having in your mind the idea that you left your family & home just in order to have as much sex as you want without any exta problems ,, well sex is good , mmm but not that good ,, its not everything in human lifes ,, and .. thik of you , think of your life byond all of this ,, are you good ? are you doing what someone like you should do at this age by exambel ,,your education ? your friends ? how do you spend your money & how do you get it ? your future plans ?? & think ,, are you normal ??
if you came up with that you have some other problems ,, let me ask you what caused it ?? what do you think ??
mamdoh am sorry to say but i have to say that your family is right in every word they said , and they do that because they love you ,, they love you more than anyone alse do , & if you dont see that , that would mean that you are such a child ,,
mamdoh its not a something that cant be treated ,, just if you have the well ,, just if u belive in whats is right & whats wrong ,,
best of luck my friend ,, & god bless you ,,
@ Thutmose
Your comment must be the most ignorant rant I've ever read.
Being gay is not only about sex, its about liberty and freedom to love any adult you want..
If he wants to leave the country its not because he wants to have sex with everybody. Its because he wants to feel safe, sane and free. Something thats impossible in Egypt.
And homosexuality cant be treated because it's not a disease! Its human nature. You dont catch it.
Its not the flu!
God, how ignorant and brainwashed can a person like you be?
bo
thanks of what you said about me ,, it was a little too hard but its okay ,,
so yoy tell me cause realy i had no idea ,,i thought gay sex is about sex ,, but looks like am wrong ,, its about freedome ,, yes & its about to feel free to love any adult , but just let me try to understand , you love some one then you have to have sex with him ,, cant you just love him with your clothe on ,, liberty !! whats liberty in this ,, sorry yes i dont unerstand why someone would do that otherwise he is sick ,, & yes i heard meny times of homosexuals became normal after treatment ,, thats what i heared ,, disease i think its not just about cold or flo or alse ,, also there are Psychological diseases , & i would think that homosexuality is on of them ,,
iam not ignorant & brainwashed ,even if i dont understand your point my friend , people have to think different from each other or what ??
and this is just my & mamdoh's culture and wish i am prode of it ,,
I'm sorry if I sounded to harsh.
But thats usually my reaction when somebody makes such dangerous comments as you.
You may think its a psychological disease but remember that thats the first step parents take before forcing their children (even if they're adults) to go to camps where they get mentally harassed to turn into gays.
Science has proven that homosexuality is something natural.
And again, its not about gay sex. Why do people always bring that up? Do you have sex on your mind for 24/7?
Its about freedom to love the person you want.
If you can't see the liberty in that, then probably you dont know what liberty is.
What would you say if, for instance, Sweden decided to force muslims to convert. Suddenly they state that they know people who converted succesfully to atheism or christianity.
So they want every single muslim to convert now. Because being a muslim is a psychological disease according to them.
If we follow your way of thinking, this should be completely normal.
I know which culture your from. I'm part of it.
And I know that that culture has a lot of backward, ignorant, hateful elements. Like oppressing and pushing homosexuals to "cure themselves"
If you can't see the liberty in letting someone decide who he or she loves, then I'm afraid I have to call you backward and ignorant
yeah i think you have a good point with this sweden exambel ,,
although you your self compared homosexuality to some uncomfortable religion such as islam , but let me wonder ,, do you think being a gay is like being a muslim ??
or you just mentioned islam as an exambel ??
if homosexuality isnt about sex so i think i had a totaly wrong idea about it ,, so tell me what is homosexuality ??
i dont try to force gays to treat them self in genral , i do that as an advice to those who have problems to live a normal life with it ,, such as mamdouh ,,
and i dont try to tell you who to love or hate , cause that would be nuts ,, i for instance love my friends boys & girls ,, & my very best friend is a male ,, & i love him so much
but i dont get naked in front of him ,,
perhabs homosexuality is natural but i dont think its good ,, its harmful ,,
i hope i got your points , cause you are really helping me with my way of thinking ,,, thanks
its not ue fault that this society is so uptight..trust me sumtimes its easier to leave the society thn try to change it!maybe it will be better for you to spend sometime away..
bo18 and thutmose,
Easy, maybe I have a mixture between both your ideas, I think homosexuality is something that some people are born with, but are not supposed to practice it!! what I mean is: Yes there are some people who are born feeling different about sexuality BUT in Islam as well as other religions, they are not supposed to practice according to these feelings, it is kind of a test let's say, knowing that it is not impossible not to practice and really get to practice the normal way (male/female) since this is the way we reproduce... I hope I make sense to you both.
I think it's commonplace in pretty much every nation of the world that a homosexual man or woman coming to terms w/ his/her sexuality experiences this same struggle: disapproval from family (sometimes being shunned), questioning what being gay has done to his/her life in a negative way, etc.
What I don't understand is how being homosexual is identified solely w/ the west. True, homosexuality has become more accepted by western nations, and laws are either in place or being written that secure the same rights for homosexuals, but the homosexuality has existed since the beginning of time. To deny that is simply kidding oneself.
You're never alone. We're around and we manage to survive. Hang on there.
hey you egyptianist....
oh i feel your grief... luckily when i came out to my friends it was better ... so far my family has no idea ...welll okay they are not dumb they have an idea but are denying it i think .... well you should not beat yourself down about the whole family thing... things like this would take time for it to heal and for them to understand ... if it doesnt ... then i am going to say something
you have to be selfish a bit and think of your happiniess ... because if you take peoples happiniess before you ... you have too much burden on your shoulders...
so part of being selfish is thinking what would make you happier ... what would you like to do ... and where do you self doing that... then achieve it..
about moving ... its not such a bad idea but dont look at it as just leaving egypt hink of it as some sort of career decision too... out of egypt you will get higher salary ... and better standard of living... plus you can be out or something ...
the other thing.... about mithly.com ... is a magazine site that provides a safe environment for gay and lesbians with out the whole negative ideas that come with it ... its a magazine that accepts contribution from everyone...
if you feel like to contribute email us management@mithly.com
there's a God mamduh,
'Know the truth and the truth will set you free'
Jesus Christ
There's nothing wrong with being homosexual. It isn't a disease, it isn't a psychological problem. The only people who have a problem with homosexuality are the bigots who try to suppress it in themselves and others. Unfortunately many people live in societies in which bigotry of this kind, reinforced by religion and oppressive legislation, makes life hell for gay men and women. Egypt is one of these countries. I was born in England and moved to Italy, where I now live. I've been living with the same man for over twenty years, in a relationship based on love, which includes both desire and respect, passion and interests in common. Commitment, in other words. My family accept me. My partner's know nothing. We're both happy. Maybe you should think about making your own family, with a man you love, in another country.
hahaha homosexuality is all about your own choices damn it. When someone says that hey didn't choose it like it was genetic is a load of crap. You may have been molested as a youth or whatever but go get treatment buddy. don't cry overa very serious thing and just give up on yourself. People here will tell you its okay to suck another mans cock and take it in your ass as if they really care. jeeeesh. Fear jesus or mohamed or whatever
Hi from New Zealand: well, just stumbled across your blog, but it's interesting, and that last posting is moving.
We live in such different worlds, but have so much in common, though what you (or your friend) write of is like it was here 30 years or so ago.
Stay strong
Michael
unfortunately in egypt anyone not going with the flow is rejected imediately starting from your religous belief for example Bhai' people, and atheist who dare not speak about their thoughts. EGYPT IS NOT A FREE COUNTRY!! so it kinda comes without saying that u rnt allowed to be a homosexual. one of the reasons we are a third world country is not because we are poor or we dont have resourses its mainly because of our culture and the way peple think which btw disgusts me. im not saying i think that gay sex is right but i still think its none of my buisness what people choose to do with their sex lives. i believe that ppl r born that way and i dont they choose to be gay i also dont believe in the whole treatment thing that ppl go on and on about and say that its effective if sum1 is happy the way they are then let them b it its none of ur buisness.
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