I used to be a Muslim until 2003. I would say i was "born a Muslim" but this statement makes no real sense as it sounds like being "born a capitalist" or "born a socialist". Again, I left Islam in 2003 (for many reasons; I wouldn't mention them here because they might sound offensive to some Muslims). Then, I became an agnostic, then an atheist, and since i think too much about whether or not i'm doing the right thing, i started to have the thoughts that maybe a god really exists somewhere.

At this very moment, when im back to the searching phase, i dont tend to give myself a specific religious identity. Not muslim, atheist, or anything whatsoever.

Atheism makes the most sense to me, for many reasons. But i'm always haunted with this fear of being wrong, especially that the Judeo-Christian God (capitalized G for me referring to it as a name, nothing more), and the Islamic Allah are/is (a) very violent one(s) and my thinking could lead to them throwing me in hellfire on the "day of judgement". Islam also has this whole "grave torment" thing (= the belief that bad people will be tormented in different ways, not only in the "next life" but also in their graves.)

But couldn't it be true that this was all written by the people who invented those religions so that fear would play a vital role in bringing people into those religons (for political reasons)?

Someone might ask what does politics have to do with inventing a religion? Leadership is enough to explain the relationship. The "prophets" want to be looked upon as important people, leaders, by their followers and thus be followed in whatever they say, and those who choose not to follow await graves full of snakes and other scary things.

There are zillions of religions all over the world, what proves to you that yours is the perfect one?

Don't you think that people who belong to other religions have other different and/or similar reasons to make them believe that their religion is perfect too? Probably their reasons make no sense to you, they're not logical! But, that's another relative issue. WHO SAYS YOUR LOGIC IS MORE LOGICAL THAN THEIR LOGIC? What if it turns out that their religion is true? You'll then say well fuck logic, i'm going to hell! "Oh God nooooooo! Don't put me in hell, i thought those guys were illogical!"

Now, if God/Allah/whichever invisible god exists, isn't he the one to blame for all this confusion and misleading? Is he playing games telling every group of people they're perfect and going to heaven and the rest are infidels? That same message to each group? The same message to Jews, Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Sikhs, etc? Does that even make a tiny bit of sense?

Or is it that it's all an illusion? Is God/Allah/etc a non-existent illusionary being? Or is he a psycho telling the same message to each religion, thus contradicting himself? (PLEASE, DONT BE OFFENDED, and don't kill me!)

Or is it that Moses, Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, and all those guys craved on power, tyranny, authoritativeness, and leadership?

I'm not meaning to offend anyone, guys, again. I have respect for all the Jews, Christians, Muslims, Hindus, and everyone. I'm just asking my questions in a neutral way.